Do you know where the energetic center of your “will” lives in your body? It's right in the middle of your ribcage, between your belly and your heart. It is the next stop up the chakra system from our "core" and thus connects our truth and receptivity with our hearts – our capacity to connect with others.
In our will lives personal power, our power to bring forth into the world and our power to choose. It connects us to our right to choose, and our ability to have our choices and all that goes with them – our actions, thoughts, dreams, all that we say, create, sing, express – exist aligned with our truth.
Living in connection to our will and our power to choose, we find our ground, our place to stand, the reason for creating what we create and the earth-shattering inner pulse – our “sheer will” to do so.
As we enter 2017, and face the turmoil and fear in the world…
Songs are not solid. They move, they change. For me, the power of song is in the performance, the moment, the doing, the unleashing of the music, sourced within. The recording process is when songs become fixed (as in not movable). They no longer exist in the moment, but become frozen, just so, throughout time.
As I step back into the recording process of “little world” some fear is arising in this fixing. Creative procrastination reigns decision: I crave the flavor of spontaneity, stubbornly resisting choice. Decisions like “This rhythmic pattern.... yes this!” over other options. I struggle through the final choice of lyrics – the moments I have glossed over in live performance, mixing up words, allowing the jumbled phrases to emerge dependent on the energy in the room. Most things are already “fixed” when I perform, but the dose of spontaneity keeps me feeling alive.
Perhaps, I too often allow songs to be partially unfinished. But, just as this is driven by the craving to feel free, most of all, in the studio, I am afraid of loosing the freshness that comes with acting moment by moment on creative impulse. I am afraid of not having the beauty of live performance - the elements of change, the surrender into the unknown, the free-fall into the audience's listening - to guide me
The room grows still and dark. Click, Click, my black heals on the stairs. I take the stage.
“What is the feminine?” I ask.
It is a question I have been sitting with for a while, on my quest to understand this energy that moves through me, unleashes herself in song, and aches to join in circle with other women: To come home. To surrender. To awake. To Roar.
It is the question that drives my music, my teaching and my lust for self-awareness. It is the question at the heart of She Sings Out Loud, and this evening’s event “Women in Song.”
I ask the question because assumptions are easy. Knowing is easy. Asking, remaining open and unattached, is much harder.
In my quest to understand THE FEMININE, I have often been too quick to know. I have named her, boxed her, brought her forth leashed, tight, diffused. Her light dwindles when you keep her tied. Just like mine.
So tonight, I have decided to ask, to leave it open, to wonder…. “What is the feminine?”